who is on the other end listening to me???? are u??? 
i don't wish to be alone anymore
that's charcoal my new doggie...it's a jack russell and sausage dog mix....cute...
Tuesday, September 28, 2004
hmmm...aft all the hard work i put into my projects...they've finally ended so glad... i hope my hardwork will be paid off man...work till i got pimples all over my face now....nv ever had breakout so bad like now...one on mymouth area..that one is like damn huge..den followed by another one next to my nose(near my cheeks) one on my eyelids...two on my rightr forehead....the other one on my left forehead...sad man...life nv been as miserable and ugly till now...hai...all the work of mental and emotional stress...well "they" are getting better.. seems like i'm creating life for my pimples..not so red liao...yup yup ....
went to the beach today ...had a nice tan...that's all i wanted aft one whole month of torment in the aircon room...cold and dry....looking at the coloured box with lots of alphabets...and rushing thru lunch..and going home to continue to look at another coloured box filled with tons of alphabets....nv ending sia.... i'm out of my project phase...now i'm into another phase...which is the EXAMINATION phase..BOOHOO BOOHOO BOOHOOO
after a thinking seesion with my friends... i realised that i probably did not noe that i choose wat i want to see...and wat not...thus causing much conflicts in my relationship with HIM...glad i sort it out with HIM...i realised how much i've wronged him at times...and getting angry at the most nitty gritty stuff......i realised that i have to compromise if i really want HIM in my life...because i did not SEE that HE is putting efforts as well....i shld see HIS expectations and match our expectations together...so that i will not be disappointed because of mis-matched expectations...yeah ...
all these...not easy ....but i shall try....
Saturday, September 18, 2004
alot of things happened yesterday and today....
okok yesterday was that i argued BIG TIME with my project group mate over some stupid issues regarding the project..and end up she accused me of giving her problems...saying that i purposely din want to take in her suggestions ...always brushing off her suggestions... hmmm i dun think so .. she's just too sensitive that's all. ...yup.. it spolit my mood for the night... but when i met my dear dear later in the evening ..and after talking to him i felt so much better....
but today something bad happened again... this time round was with my dear dear ... hai i dunno am i petty or wat....well it's something really small.. but it meant alot to me... to him it was nothing.. but to me it meant a whole damn lot... i can never understand guys sometimes...they are really weird creatures....sometimes it makes me wonder if the problem lies with me instead.....i'm afraid of faield relationships...and i'm afraid it will happen again.. i dun wish it will happen...i hate to be lonely... i hate to do things alone....but why can't i behave like a modern women??? hmm like become more independent and stuff... i wish i can learn to be more brave...like an adult...i'm so kiddish.... hai....i wish wish i wish i can change....
but at the same time i'm so comfortable in this zone that i'm unwilling to get out... hai....wat to do???
sometimees i wish i'm someone else... and not myself... it hurts and its painful to be CILLIA YOW MEI YI ....and it's really torturous to be cillia...sometimes i wish i'm like a burden to others...sob sob
Sunday, September 12, 2004
this is my new HaiR sTyle... for sep 2004...hahaha i just can't stay with the same hairstyle for more than 6months ah... hahaha =))))
Wednesday, September 08, 2004
realised how much i've neglect my friends sometimes...like june baby...boo hoo...haven't see u for soo long...maybe we shld meet up for coffee ya....grrrrr
hmmmm it's all my sch work plus me working i basically have no time.... hai....sian man....
today i just got back my results for OE pair porject...guess wat??? i did horribly...feeling like shit now man...i wonder wat when wrong...no use crying over spilled milk...just have to work really damn hard for OE esp...both the group paper and the examination...sob sob......hai... and i still got 3 other modules.... i wonder if i can cope man... now i still have four other projects to be done... ai....ya.... some one
nvm nvm...it just two more months of torture..........but.... hai....
boohoo...
hai i better stop bitching abt my friend...better be a good girl...hai....
recently aft wat my friend said, "u're not hurting me, u're hurting ur friend"...oops.... den i realised how mean i was... just like the mean girls.....
everyone shld sit down and meditate this...
Quoting my Pastor....
"you shldn't go aft wat's under the SUN... but wat's above"....
remember always....
Tuesday, September 07, 2004
blur... but nice nice.... too
hahaha the beauties of SIM... hahahh hahahha
Sue Me And Sharon... wooo.... woooo
Contradiction....a closeup .. but blur pic of us three... hahaha
Me And Sue...nice nice...
me KaiLin and Sue in the Midst of Doing MR pRoject... hahaa
Me Jason and Sue in the Computer lab...jAson just got a new hair cut!!!!
Wednesday, September 01, 2004
i wonder
if i've tried my best to express myself to you
because i was mirror-ed off...,
i wonder
if by telling you would help
because i think i failed
i wonder
if i sobbed i cried i pull my hair hard enough
because i think ur eyes were closed..
i wonder
if i made my "presence" felt
because you were non-chalant towards it
i wonder
if i'm making a big fuss abt it
because you kept quiet
i wonder
if i'm pretty enough
because my reflections seem unreal
i wonder
if i would die young
because i cannot see any future
i wonder
if you love me deep
because when u speak i could not feel it
i wonder
if i am too deeply in love with you
because it hurts even i dun see u for a day
i wonder i wonder and i wonder...... hai....